Day 10: Ho Chi Minh

Day 10: Today, we are on our way to the war tunnels. To get there we are taking a boat along the Saigon River. A 90 minute tour; a 90 minute tour.

Good Morning Saigon River

They call the city Ho Chi Minh City, and they used to call it Saigon, but Ho Chi decided to change it to unify Vietnam, but the river name didn't get changed. It's very confusing. It's similar to Crypto.com that used to called Staples Center. But everyone still says Staples Center.

Nuhan said the trip to the tunnels will be shorter this September because they will be opening up the underground Metro. He said, “We’re good at making tunnels.” Nothing like a good tunnel joke before our trip to the Cu Chi Tunnels.

Follow the Blue Brick Road…

This dude is General Tran Studly Hung Low - Way Low. He’s a 13th century General who saved Asia. He fought the Mongolians 3x and won.

Way to go Hung Low!

You know when I see a statue like this, it makes me think about my legacy. Typically, if they make a statue of you, you have done something great, or something really bad. And the tour guide can almost sum up their legacy in one or two sentences. What's your legacy going to be? What's my legacy going to be

All aboard...

Nice comb over.

That's Wendy's way to reducing my forehead glare for the boat ride. Nice strategy.

What did you have for breakfast?

An Amy Sandwich

Nuhan says Condos on the Saigon River go for 1million.

Not Dong. Dollars.
What?? Phack Place.
Do not pass go....

Boat driver decided to play this drinking game called. "Dodge the Seaweed". Whoever throws up first loses, and has to pay everyone else.

I'm going to blow...

She must have taken her pills

We've always heard a lot about how difficult it was for Americans to fight the Vietnamese. I'm not really sure what to expect, but everyone is getting excited to learn more of the history. Especially Brad.

Only 89 more minutes away. 87 zzzzz. 86 zzzzz.

First Nuhan explained how the American's lost a bunch of guns and ammunition because they were not aware of the tunnels. So when they left their base camps, the enemy stole machinery.

"Hi 911. I'd like to report stolen guns, bullets and bombs. No, it doesn't look like anyone broke into the basecamp. We just can't figure it out. It was right by my bed and now it's not here."

Our next stop was a camouflaged tunnel entrance. Fame jumped right in. "Marco."

"Polo."

When they went under, the leaves covered the entrance. Almost impossible to find. They also placed captured American uniforms around the top so when the American's brought in dogs to sniff out the place, they would smell American uniforms and not identify the Vietnamese tunnels. Pretty brilliant disguise.

Ruff, ruff, I smell a Pearl

They also created deep under ground kitchens made with built - in ovens.

Vietnamese Pizza Kitchen

The smoke from cooking was cooled so that it would not rise, and therefore would not be detected. It escaped above ground, but because it was cooled, the smell did not rise and was not detected. I’m thinking of inventing a fart cooler. I’ll call it the "Fooler".

The Fooler:

"Don't Share Your Scent"

To confuse the American's they wore their sandals backwards so any shoe tracks would be tracked in the opposite direction. They even made their sandals to easily be worn backwards with straps going the opposite way. And the shoes were built from tires stolen from American vehicles.

If the shoe fits backwards, wear it.

I'm learning a lot today. The term booby trap was born because only an idiot (or boob) would fall for a trap. Were the Americans' boobs? Hmmm... This would look like grass, but when you step on it, you fall right in. And you don't die, you get stuck. So more of the Americans would come to rescue those trapped, they would also get shot.

It's harsh. But smart.

I'm in no way celebrating American deaths. I'm just not a fan of any wars and this one always felt like a terrible mistake. I know we were fighting for democracy, but how could we possibly win this one. We had no idea what we were up against. And because of that, we should have never been here as long as we were. I'll stop with the political jargon. But I will say that we all admired how the Vietnamese worked so hard to protect their people. Hard and very, very, smart.

Nuhan told us that he has toured many American Vietnam vets through the tunnels. Here is what he said they are most surprised about (they didn't know) when they returned to Chu Chi:

1. 4,800 people lived in the tunnels at any one time;

2. The wore their sandles backwards to confuse the enemy;

3. They had kitchens below;

4. The tunnels were 3 levels deep.

4,800 people down there? Fuck.

We walked (bent over) through about 50 feet of the tunnels. It was tiiiiight. Very, very tiiiiiiight. Caution: Watch Your Head.

Hey wait. I dropped my wallet, walle, wal....

Just like the prison, for me, souvenir shops are weird at these places.

Buy 1 Bullet Tank and get 1 free.
Act today and also get 2 Seesaw Booby Traps

They have an open air restaurant at the end of the tour, where we all had lunch. Lunch at the tunnels kind of felt like going jet skiing in Pearl Harbor.

At the end, Mark found his new favorite fruit for dessert

The Forbidden Feinberg Fruit

All in all our visit was pretty incredible. I think the word, "Resiliency" sums it up. Thanks Nuhan for educating us in a way that was perfectly balanced, considering the history of our two country's.

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A handful of Mo-Phos got the Vietnam bug. So not all of us are able to join the Vespa riding tour tonight. Nothing to be alarmed about, but the sick bug is abound. Hoping everyone gets better soon.

There are 10 million people in Saigon and 10 million and 6 scooters. Our Vespa drivers met us at the hotel. Our fearless leader is Will the Thrill. He runs the team of drivers and is definitely inspired to make our trip great.

Mo-Phos (minus Phour) are pumped up to get on the road. On your marks, get set, groooooo. Here are the Sexy 6.

Sexy 1

Sexy 2

Sexy 3

Way

Sexy 6

Driving a scooter in Vietnam, especially a busy city like HCMC is a skill you learn over time. As far as I can tell the rules are there are no rules. Traffic lights don't mean shit and "right a way" means "my way." Tam was my driver. He knows how to scoot.

The Taminator.

Our first stop was a roof top bar that I forgot the name of.

Oh, I just remembered.

The ride through the city was funner than fun. You started to feel safe after about 10 minutes or so. Except for some of the left hand turns across traffic with oncoming cars, scooters and some going the wrong way coming at you from both directions. Beep, beep...

No worries for this guy

Or this guy...

Tam, look out on your right.

Tam, on your left.

Tammit fuck.

Tam, "I think I sharted."

The night was Tamtastic. Will took us to the DC Chill bar and two Vietnamese local restaurants where we ate like kings and the food was incredible. Outside dinning and amazing service.